Backstory- my MIl is kind enough and always willing to help watch the kids. But she is over the top affectionate (to the point where I’m uncomfortable), grabby/pushy (will take my kids from my arms, or get in their face if I’m holding them), and acts like a know it all (trouts about my house as if she is mother here, ie pushes my kids to do things like give her hugs, or play this way, or eat more bites of food- parenting things) every time we tell her please stop doing xyz, she manipulates and just overall does not respect us as having our own house, with our own way of doing things, raising our own children with our own parenting choices.
We went limited contact and have kept it ‘gray rock’ conversations. But the woman stresses us out every time we see her- she’s very suffocating to be around. My husband and I are pretty “relaxed, no fuss, rest and recover, take care of your home, minimal running about, slow days, not the Joneses” type of people. Literally ever time we see her she goes “thank you! Thank you! Thank you so much for letting me see my grandkids. What a blessing. Cherish this. Thank you for allowing me time with your family!” What do you even say to that, can’t you just say “it was nice seeing you...” So. With that limited contact she constantly pushes for our time.
With that picture/dynamic painted here’s where AITA. This past winter my husband got a second job. He works 7:30am -4:00pm then 7:00pm-11:00p. He’s home from 4-7. We have a 3yo, 1yo, and I was first trimester pregnant over winter. So that 4-7 time was filled with dinner, me getting the house tidy while he takes an hour with the kids, then starting bed time. Was AITA for saying weekdays don’t work well for visits at the moment and weekends we want to spend time together/rest (I get very fatigued and nausea the first trimester). There just feels a lack of respect that we are grown adults with a house and kids to tend to on the weekends, like sundays we’re usually grocery shopping and meal prepping and she just thinks that we’re sitting around with nothing to do. She would offer to ‘help’ but really we are happy to tend to our kids and her ‘help’ isn’t helpful when she riles them up overstimulates them then leaves me with the after math.
So that was winter that she was all fussy about. Fast forward to now. The main floor of our house flooded. It’s unlivable with two toddlers and a pregnant mom. So, my kids and I moved in with my mom (1.5 hours away) while undergoing repairs. This makes my MIL 2.5 hours away one way. My husband still works summer school. So, he is staying at our home during the week. Since he is away from us already anyways, he vamped up his work schedule, 7:30-3:30 then 4:00-11:30. Except Fridays he does a half day 8:00-12:00, does yard work at our home then drives 1.5 hours to my moms to stay for the weekend.
This woman has been non.stop.bugging. when she can see us next. Literally asked when she can come over to see the kids minutes after we told her what is happening. When we reminded her we don’t have a workable home she asked for a lunch visit. I would have to drive a total 3 hours with both toddlers for a lunch visit (and my son has food allergies so going out to lunch is stressful)! When we said no to that, she said she would drive down to my moms for lunch- literally a 5 hr drive round trip for her. Long ago my husband and I decided I would not do visits alone with her anymore- she stresses me out too much. We said we would let her know. That held it off for a month.
Now she is texting asking to meet for dinner tonight with my husband because unbeknownst to him, he has family in town. He said that’s last minute and I can’t because my work shifts are now 7-330 and 4-11. She responded maybe she can get dinner with him between jobs because she misses him so much. And let her know when she can see her grandkids again. Like what?! My kids and I literally don’t see or talk to my husband all week. She also insinuated that we are being selfish because we want to spend time as a family on the weekends. I truly very much miss my husband all week and we love spending time with our kids. We also have other friends/family near my moms who we haven’t seen in a long time, people who respect us, and we find enjoyable to be around. And we had planned summer vacations/ weekend trips on the weekends as well. We also have other family matters on my side that take up our time- emotionally support my sister out of an abusive marriage and helping my brother/SIL who unexpectedly delivered their baby early (34 wks) and has been/is at hospital. AITA for just wanting to pick berries with people we like and who fill us up on the weekends and not putting priority on seeing someone who makes us feel disrespected and suffocated on the weekends? Like our time is more limited now and I’m never to thrilled to use this limited resource on her.
Starting to feel like AITA but not sure that I care.
