Dog lovers are part of a special club that those without pups could never understand. The love, the licks, the slobber, the heroic deeds … the list of doggie benefits goes on and on.
That said, some days, dogs do the darndest things. On those days, you just want to throw a pithy one-liner or dog knock-knock joke into a conversation to make fellow pup fans laugh. And then there are the times when you have to write a clever caption of a birthday card for a dog lover or share a pet pun during trivia night and you want to bring your A-game. For these reasons and more, we’ve assembled a list of dog jokes that will have you laughing, fur real.
Ahead, we’ve got dog puns, dog jokes, dog one-liners, dog knock-knock jokes, and many a dog riddle. We even threw in a few jokes that pet parents will appreciate too.
Pro-tip as you peruse our collection of dog jokes: You may have a Labrador Retriever, German Shepherd, Poodle, French Bulldog, Yorkshire Terrier, Border Collie, or another breed that isn’t referenced specifically in certain jokes, so feel free to customize each joke to make it tailored to your very good boy or girl.
In no particular order, we now unleash the very best dog jokes that will leave you howling with laughter.
Best dog jokes
- What’s a Shepherd dog’s favorite game? Hide and sheep.
- How do you identify a dogwood tree? By its bark.
- What does a little Scottish dog say when it’s scared? I’m terrier-fied.
- What do dogs say before a meal? Bone appétit!
- What do you call a dog rock star? A su-paw-star.
- What’s a dog’s favorite type of pizza? Pup-peroni.
- Why did the dog go to grad school? To become a bark-chitect.
- How can you tell dogs are having a good time? It’s having a ball.
- What do you get when you cross a Golden Retriever with a telephone? A Golden Receiver.
- When a dog gets a check, what should it do? Make a de-paws-it.
- What do you call it when a stressed dog goes shopping? Re-tail therapy.
- My dad adopted a dog from the local blacksmith. As soon as he got home, he made a bolt for the door.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Collie. Collie who? Collie me when you get home.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Woof. Woof who? Woof you like to go for a walk?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Chase. Chase who? Chase me if you can.
- A dog walks into a bar and says “hi.” What does the bartender say? Wow, a talking dog!
- What kind of dogs don’t play football? Boxers.
- Why are dogs such bad dancers? Because they have two left paws.
- What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
- Why did the Dachshund want to get out of the sun? Because it was a hot dog.
- What’s a dog’s favorite instrument? A trombone.
- Why did the Beagle bring a map? Because it didn’t want to be a lost hound.
- What do you call a dog magician? A labra-cadabra-dor.
- Why do dogs run in circles? Because it’s hard to run in squares.
- What do you call a dog who loves to wash its hair? A shampoo-dle!
- How can you tell if a dog is calling you? Their name pops up on “collar” ID.
- What does the dog do at the gym? Paw-er workouts.
- What type of dog enjoys taking tests? A Lab.
- What does a dog do when it needs a time-out? Paws.
- What do you call a cold pup? A chili dog.
- What kind of dog always knows the time? A watch dog.
- How does a dog feel after a long workout? Doggone tired.
- What’s a dog’s favorite yoga pose? Downward-facing dog.
- What’s the number one rule for a dog on a sports team? Don’t stray from practice.
- What flavored beverages and treats do dogs enjoy most in the fall? Pup-kin spice.
- What do you call a Poodle in the water? A noodle.
- What did the dog say to the tree? “Bark!”
- What did the dog say to its teacher when it forgot its homework? “My human ate my homework.”
- Why did the dog owner carry a leash to the bank? Because they heard it was a “collar”ateral for a loan.
- What do you call a well-spoken dog? Bark-ticulate.
- What did the dog say when it sat on sandpaper? “Ruff.”
- Why did the dog keep raising its hand in class? Because it wanted to be teacher’s pet.
Perri is a New York City-born-and-based writer. She holds a B.A. in psychology from Columbia University and is also a culinary school graduate of the Natural Gourmet Institute. She's probably seen Dave Matthews Band in your hometown, and she'll never turn down a bloody mary. Follow her on Twitter@66PerriStreetor learn more atVeganWhenSober.com
